<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v53/dreamkjan/My%20Blinkies/thursday.gif">

Last September, I got promoted to QA Analyst for another account. Yup, not the account that I was with for the last 3 and a half years. I admit, I was carrying a heavy heart when I left that account. I felt that they didn't appreciate all the things I've contributed. All my efforts became useless. But being the positive person that I am, I still want to look at the brighter side of things or what happened. Maybe God has another plan for me...a better one.

My relationship with the last guy on my last post didn't work out. It was a very complicated case. I opted to let him go or should I say...I gave him up because I want him to be happy. Eventhough it meant sacrifice on my part. Now you may ask..."Was sacrifice worth it?" When I saw him last week and heard news about him...I would say..."No, it was not." He could have been a much better person if I was with him. He could have been more responsible. He didn't changed a bit. I guess, some people just don't know how to be responsible for their lives and their decisions. I'm just sad that he's one of them. But then again, I'm happy with my life now. I've been blessed a lot lately. I cannot complain. And for him, I wish he's happy with the decision he's made eventhough I know that it wasn't really his but his family's decision.

Right now, I'm keeping all my options open. I'm not ready yet to commit to anyone at this point in my life. But I kno one day I will be. Just like before...just like it used to be. Who knows...that one day may be today or tomorrow..or the next day...or the day after that. Life is full of surprises. Everything is possible. I'm just waiting for the right moment...and the right man. He will come. And I just have to be patient. maybe he's still thinking of what to contrast me with.

But do I have someone special in my life right now? Yes, I do. We're are still on the getting to know each other stage. I'm not rushing things. I want the friendship to develop. Let's just see where the friendship leads us.

!2:00 pm ()...

I'm torn with continuing with what I feel for this person. Don't get me wrong I really love him. Its just that things are very complicated. And I don't want to make things complicated for him. I love him so much to do that to him. But then again, letting him go would mean like losing a part of my life...a very important part of me. Hay, its really very hard to make a decision especially if it will affect your future. I'm just hoping that with the coming days, things will be more clearer and certain. I hope too that he'll realize how much I love him.

I really wish that "Backspace" really worked in real life. I would've erased all the bad things that happened. I will erase all the not so good memories...all the hurt feelings and pains. If I only have the power to take all the hurt feelings I'm feeling right now...I would. But I don't and I have to deal with it.

Like what my friend, Len, always tells me..."I'm the strongest person she knows. And I can handle whatever life throws at me."

I choose to be happy. And I will make my life happy...just wait and see.

3:43 pm ()...

The pain of loving someone you can't have is much more than losing someone you
love. You know you can have the person, but for some instance...outside force or
reason, something is stopping the other person from loving you. And that's what
hurts the most. It's really hard falling in love with someone, huh? My answer to that
is...YES. I've been in love and had my hard broken for...I don't know how many times.
Oh well, some may say...That's life" or "Life and love is never fair". Oh yes, it never
was. I can attest to that. There are things in life that you can have, but you can't have
in love. And there are things in love that you can't get in life. What the fuck am I
saying?! And why the hell am I feeling this way? Knowing the person loves you, but then again he can't love
you back. That's one of the feeling I dread feeling. But guess what...I'm feeling it. Hahaha! Me? Remenber I just
got my heart broken almost 4 months ago. And now...my heart is broken again? This is making me laugh. You
may ask me? Why did I allow myself to get my heart broken again? That's the same question I'm asking myself
right now. Why did I allow this person to hurt me this way? Why can't I tell him I'm hurting? Why do I love him
so much? Argh! I'm hearing my heart break into tiny little pieces again....over and over. Why can't I stop it from
breaking? Why can't this person stop hurting me?

I've made my decision. I'm moving on. I'll forget whatever feelings I have for this person. He doesn't have to know
how much I love him. His happiness matters to me more than anything else...even more than my own happiness.
So I'm letting him go. I'm no longer his Baby. I'm setting him free.

12:01am ()...

Today is Valentine's Day. A holiday dedicated to LOVE! How preposterous! Many people (I included) believed that real love ought to be celebrated every day, instead of once a year. Someone people make this day as an excuse to make up for all the attention and affection that they never showered on their significant others. They make this day an excuse to make other feel left out, depressed, or lonely.

All you need is Love, but what if you can't find it? Hmm...tough question. Perhaps what some can't find is the specific kind of love that they're looking for. My advice...Look harder. Love is all around you.

Let's all remember that...there's more to life that being lonely, broken hearted and depressed. Someone out there is meant for each and every one of us. We just have to wait and be patient. That person will come really soon. Just keep the faith.